go do what you do best...puke behind churches
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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