I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
