I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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