All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
