Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
honey bunches of taint.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
