I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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