Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
