you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
