I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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