first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize