Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
