Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
