24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I supernannyed him into submission
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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