Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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