soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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