I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize