I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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