So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
