new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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