Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
