I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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