OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
