if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize