You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
