Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
whose parrot is this?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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