K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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