I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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