i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize