you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
