I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
