im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
