Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
