You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The power of my boobs compel you
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize