I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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