In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just found a bag of teeth...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
