new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
