dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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