Why does Corona taste like a burp?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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