All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
