is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
