I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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