Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
