This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize