The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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