What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
