if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
