More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
