i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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