Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
