question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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