your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
