But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
