My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Randomize
