I'm laying in your front yard are you home
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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