At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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