I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
