considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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