i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
