haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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