I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh god it's open bar.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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