Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
