Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
