youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
