You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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