Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
