So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
