Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
