if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
