Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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