i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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