So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
