how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
