I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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