My first STD was from a foam party
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
