Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
worst night to have a conscience
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
