just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
