Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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