Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
