I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
