Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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