Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
