Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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