Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
