Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize