what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
