Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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