dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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