I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
