You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
