He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
